Congrats, Alex and Liza! Being a dad (as well as a husband) made me a 100x better human. It's one heck of a journey--humbling, challenging, and fulfilling all at the same time.
I’m so excited for you two! This is amazing and yes, you two look so damm cute! Please share the after pictures, the ones we look so happy but sooooooo tired 😂 I remember so well! It’s amazing moments to come! Congratulations
Things outside of my Dad wheel house in Mom’s wheel house
1. All things pumping – You do not need to ask about how I connected the tubes backwards and milk sprayed all over my wife’s face at a 2am feeding because I thought I got pumping covered.
2. Laundry - You cannot wash every baby outfit individually that gets dirty (Ask my wife next month about our water bill ($$$), yikes!) , you need to batch them together, otherwise loads are too small, and we are using free and clear detergent for the baby instead of the Tide we use for adult laundry…there different, who knew?! So I can’t keep track of what clothes go together with etc.
3. Cleaning / organizing the baby stuff in the house. One person needs to decide where the bottle parts are going, where the wipes will be stored, etc. Mom usually knows best about where things should go. I’ve just adjusted to where ever she wants to put things.
4. Scheduling outside walks - She may feel up for them one day, and not another.
5. Food / Baby purchases (diapers/wipes/etc) - She adds them to the online shopping cart, otherwise duplicates show up!
4. Apps - I mentioned the tracking app, but we have the Hatch sound machine and there’s an app, the baby monitor / camera app, the Mamaro bouncing app, Tiny Beans for photos/journaling, breast pumping timer / bottle feeding apps, etc. In 2022 when you trying to raise a baby there’s now an App for EVERYTHING, so as a Dad, setup the shared accounts and take charge of installing the apps on her phone and yours to make life easier. Trust me there’s more Apps out there than you can imagine and a bunch of them are useful-you don’t want to become the App guy who ONLY has the App that changes the color or level of sound at 2am!
5. Medication for the wife - We have iron, pain pills / coalesce / vitamin d / etc and I make sure the wife is taking what she needs to be taking when…the logging app helps remind me and her.
6. Finances - Fidelity - 529 Custodian Automatic Contributions - Setting up the finances from our joint account for their future and getting savings underway so it’s set it and forget it (things like save $25 a month into an S&P500 0 cost index funds using virtual accounts with Marcus from Goldman Sachs (free and super helpful)…saving for things like swim lessons/gymnastics/summer camp/pre-school/first car/etc).. When friends are like “hey we want to buy x,y,z toy/outfit” having the contribution link instead (at the ready) via text INSTANTLY has resulted in hundreds of dollars going to their 529 accounts instead of random purchases cluttering our house. I enjoy seeing that we already have hockey/ice skating lessons paid for, for when they turn 3 or 4 years old, because family members wanted to fund that specifically.
Note: One thing I haven’t yet figured out is, now that we received the babies social security cards is if/how to setup something like a secured credit card in each of their names to start building that credit history…on the saving money front I’m not exactly sure what’s “legal” but I have friends who have added their babies to their own credit card accounts as “authorized card users” and suddenly their babies have 10s of thousands of dollars of credit limits in their names and then cash back discounts for purchases that are already going to be made uniquely for their baby. I would love to know more about “financial hacks” in this area as a responsible Dad — IMAGINE for a moment turning 18 and having 18 years of credit history with a credit limit of $250,000…would make buying that first home/condo upon say a college graduation MUCH easier…and would show having a perfect credit score in their names for something like 15-18 years be awesome. In the future for job applications when they check credit histories again might be a game changer. I know there’s helpful finance things I need to be doing…but just haven’t yet had time to do "all the things". I’d love to learn more!
7. Bottle, Formula, Bottle Warmer prep / Breast Pumping cleaning and prep - She’s pumping so how do I make sure the bottles are clean, formula is properly measured and in the right bottles (our pediatrician has us adding formula to breast milk for extra calories - 24 instead of 20 to help the babies grow better), the bottle warmers have enough water in them, and pumping equipment is ready for the next sessions, which feels like it’s always right around the corner.
8. Diapers / Trash - throwing out dirty diapers / trash / etc. There’s way more diapers and it’s better to get them out to the garbage outside of the house (smell), and I don’t care how much the “diaper pail won’t smell” they advertise…it will smell…so out of the house it goes asap. And there’s way WAY more trash with pumping bags / etc than I anticipated.
9. Burp rags cleaned and ready throughout the house. It’s amazing how at 2 am you find that your hands are full and if only there was a burp rag on the edge of the couch the feeding would go smoothly—instead of waking up the baby by walking around stumbling looking for one.
10. Dogs - We have 2 dogs and so I’m on dog doody…with babies and dogs it’s amazing how much poop becomes a topic of conversation. That means feeding them, letting them out, cleaning up the yard after them, etc. Again she’s pumping and literally hooked up to machines so I have mobility when she doesn’t.
11. Grocery shopping / Uber eats orders - I’ve found Walmart+ / Target pickup / Costco / Amazon ordering to be in my wheel house because I’m finding so MANY unique coupons that incredibly generous coming in from all the warranty registrations (see number 1)…things like $20, $50, or even a $100 off diaper/detergent/food/clothing that get compounded in savings by having registered for products and those companies getting related promotional discounts. With babies I’ve also come to learn that I have ZERO time to go walk casually through the grocery store and pursue the aisles for seeing if I can try to find a different new favorite type of say potato chips.
12. iPhone charging / Photo backup / Journaling / E-mail account setup - She’s tired so I’m constantly making sure that the phones are plugged in (easy). We use Microsoft OneDrive to automatically back up our iPhone photos - it’s cheaper than iCloud storage and easier to share / make albums than Google Photos. Journaling what’s been going on and sharing updates on Tiny Beans with friends and family, we don’t use Facebook for privacy reasons.
Now I know this might be a weird one - but I’ve already setup our daughters email accounts on outlook.com/Gmail/Apple/Twitter/FaceBook/ssa.gov - so that their digital addresses are theirs and more importantly parental controls / logging is setup also have added them to family plans on Amazon/YouTube/Spotify/Netflix so that kid stuff (what baby watched/listened to) is separate and curated under their name. Social Security monitoring (free) being setup is important for detecting possible fraud (https://www.ssa.gov/). 3 of our friends have had fraudulent tax returns filed on their kids by other people, scary! Also having email addresses has been great for family and friends to send them emails about what their first weeks have been / photos they’ve taken on their phones / etc. Another small hack is to sign up your kids email addresses using + alias (example: kid+freemeals@gmail.com will still go to the kid@gmail.com inbox but will get a special label/folder) at your favorite restaurants with their birthdays so that you get to look forward to those “free” desert/appetizers every year. Also I’ve been surprised to find out that our pediatrician’s EHR (Electronic Health Record), EPIC, can be tied to an email address for the child and that in the future it will be easier for her to be able to have that email address have everything at the ready (example - food /medication allergies). The letters from families and friends will be awesome for them to have when they get older!
13. Medical billing / Insurance paperwork. We have something like 77 bills that have arrived in the mail and so I’m the one submitting / re-submitting / following up with insurance and putting together the spreadsheet about what’s paid, should have been paid, and needs even more follow-up (example apparently only part of my wife’s anesthesia was covered and one of the specialists in the ER was “out of network” for one daughter but not the other - Go figure it would be billed incorrectly!). Even though we had reached our deductible for the year….it’s amazing how many providers send out additional bills and gotchas…as a Dad I’m gonna figure this out and it’s not like the insurance company / hospital can repo the girls…but as a Dad I want them “paid off / free and clear” 😉.
14. Legal - I’ve taken the time to update our term life insurance policy to name our daughters as beneficiaries, same goes for our 401k beneficiaries, Last Will and Testaments beneficiaries, and Health care proxies. In the UNLIKELY event that both my wife and I pass away having all of our legal documents up-to-date with their names, and their Social Security numbers will make sure that things will be taken care to our wishes. Hope this will never be needed but better safe. Also legally I’ve been the one following up with the grandparents on both sides to make sure that they know that their Wills and end of life plans can be updated to include our daughters if they so choose. Again, if your families are like “grand kids are in the will”, make sure your new baby is in the list. Again hopefully not needed for years, but better to have it in place now than later have a “oh grand kid xyz was left out accidentally". I’ve seen that we a few friends’ families…it’s messy when it doesn’t have to be.
15. Follow up doctors appointment scheduling and transportation. We use a gmail calendar and given that my wife isn’t yet cleared to drive by herself yet due to the c-section I’ve found that i can be super helpful by making sure the family calendar is up-to-date with appointments and transportation arranged (car seats installed / stroller loaded up).
Congratulations. We went through 5 years of trying and IVF. Welcomed 2 twin girls into the world in May '22. Here are a "few thoughts" to help you get "ready" as a Dad.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what I as a Dad/Father can uniquely do to help with the babies.
My wife is able to pump breast milk and obviously my nipples are useless, so what are the equivalent things that only I can do as a Dad/Father.
Here are a list of things that I’ve found that as a Dad/Father I’m doing to be helpful.
1. Warranties and Registrations for all things baby. If we purchase anything (stroller/bassinets/play gyms/etc) I’m following up and registering for the warranties, whether that is by mail, online forms, or even emails. Warranties are helpful and you leave money on the table when you don’t register for the warranties. More on that in a moment.
2. Logging all the poops / pees / feedings / sleeps in the App (we use Glow..but have heard of others) and associated schedule / alarms. It’s amazing how helpful it is to have 1 person keeping track of the feedings / which boob was last used (right or left), and how long the last sleep session was.
Note: We have Apple Watches and it’s been SUPER helpful to be ensure my wife has valuable vibrating alarms on her wrists to remind for things she needs to pay attention too (scheduled feedings—bottle/breast/which side/ amounts in Mls) and reminders for me on my wrist for things like diaper changes / dishwasher reminders “empty the dishwasher in 3 hours because it’s all clean”). Having actual USEFUL vibrating notifications on her wrist from her Apple Watch has been a game changer when we are both sleep deprived at 2 am. Someone needs to be in charge of getting the Apple Watch alarms / calendar reminders to be helpful and as a Dad that can be your job!
3. Communication liaison for wife - All friends / family / neighbors that want to “just stop by for 5 Mins” / call / FaceTime etc…have to go through me and I schedule them for the wife. It’s helpful to block to 30 mins to 1 hour a day for these and schedule them out a few days out. Yes we get that people want to “see babies” but I’m the linebacker // (Gandoff - The Lord of the Rings - You Shall Not Pass - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJZZNHekEQw) they have to get through, blocking and tackling is a MUST to protect the “Cow” (i.e my wife’s funny her name for herself as she’s the one who’s pumping and breast feeding).
It's a wild ride full of ups and downs. It's exhilarating and terrifying--always in rapid succession and sometimes concurrently. But in reading this post and from what I have seen on Twitter, you are as prepared for it as anyone can be. You already love your girls (mom too) so much, and when it comes right down to it, that is all that matters. The rest you figure out as you go along. You're going to be great.
Congrats, Alex and Liza! Being a dad (as well as a husband) made me a 100x better human. It's one heck of a journey--humbling, challenging, and fulfilling all at the same time.
I’m so excited for you two! This is amazing and yes, you two look so damm cute! Please share the after pictures, the ones we look so happy but sooooooo tired 😂 I remember so well! It’s amazing moments to come! Congratulations
Things outside of my Dad wheel house in Mom’s wheel house
1. All things pumping – You do not need to ask about how I connected the tubes backwards and milk sprayed all over my wife’s face at a 2am feeding because I thought I got pumping covered.
2. Laundry - You cannot wash every baby outfit individually that gets dirty (Ask my wife next month about our water bill ($$$), yikes!) , you need to batch them together, otherwise loads are too small, and we are using free and clear detergent for the baby instead of the Tide we use for adult laundry…there different, who knew?! So I can’t keep track of what clothes go together with etc.
3. Cleaning / organizing the baby stuff in the house. One person needs to decide where the bottle parts are going, where the wipes will be stored, etc. Mom usually knows best about where things should go. I’ve just adjusted to where ever she wants to put things.
4. Scheduling outside walks - She may feel up for them one day, and not another.
5. Food / Baby purchases (diapers/wipes/etc) - She adds them to the online shopping cart, otherwise duplicates show up!
All the best!
4. Apps - I mentioned the tracking app, but we have the Hatch sound machine and there’s an app, the baby monitor / camera app, the Mamaro bouncing app, Tiny Beans for photos/journaling, breast pumping timer / bottle feeding apps, etc. In 2022 when you trying to raise a baby there’s now an App for EVERYTHING, so as a Dad, setup the shared accounts and take charge of installing the apps on her phone and yours to make life easier. Trust me there’s more Apps out there than you can imagine and a bunch of them are useful-you don’t want to become the App guy who ONLY has the App that changes the color or level of sound at 2am!
5. Medication for the wife - We have iron, pain pills / coalesce / vitamin d / etc and I make sure the wife is taking what she needs to be taking when…the logging app helps remind me and her.
6. Finances - Fidelity - 529 Custodian Automatic Contributions - Setting up the finances from our joint account for their future and getting savings underway so it’s set it and forget it (things like save $25 a month into an S&P500 0 cost index funds using virtual accounts with Marcus from Goldman Sachs (free and super helpful)…saving for things like swim lessons/gymnastics/summer camp/pre-school/first car/etc).. When friends are like “hey we want to buy x,y,z toy/outfit” having the contribution link instead (at the ready) via text INSTANTLY has resulted in hundreds of dollars going to their 529 accounts instead of random purchases cluttering our house. I enjoy seeing that we already have hockey/ice skating lessons paid for, for when they turn 3 or 4 years old, because family members wanted to fund that specifically.
Note: One thing I haven’t yet figured out is, now that we received the babies social security cards is if/how to setup something like a secured credit card in each of their names to start building that credit history…on the saving money front I’m not exactly sure what’s “legal” but I have friends who have added their babies to their own credit card accounts as “authorized card users” and suddenly their babies have 10s of thousands of dollars of credit limits in their names and then cash back discounts for purchases that are already going to be made uniquely for their baby. I would love to know more about “financial hacks” in this area as a responsible Dad — IMAGINE for a moment turning 18 and having 18 years of credit history with a credit limit of $250,000…would make buying that first home/condo upon say a college graduation MUCH easier…and would show having a perfect credit score in their names for something like 15-18 years be awesome. In the future for job applications when they check credit histories again might be a game changer. I know there’s helpful finance things I need to be doing…but just haven’t yet had time to do "all the things". I’d love to learn more!
7. Bottle, Formula, Bottle Warmer prep / Breast Pumping cleaning and prep - She’s pumping so how do I make sure the bottles are clean, formula is properly measured and in the right bottles (our pediatrician has us adding formula to breast milk for extra calories - 24 instead of 20 to help the babies grow better), the bottle warmers have enough water in them, and pumping equipment is ready for the next sessions, which feels like it’s always right around the corner.
8. Diapers / Trash - throwing out dirty diapers / trash / etc. There’s way more diapers and it’s better to get them out to the garbage outside of the house (smell), and I don’t care how much the “diaper pail won’t smell” they advertise…it will smell…so out of the house it goes asap. And there’s way WAY more trash with pumping bags / etc than I anticipated.
9. Burp rags cleaned and ready throughout the house. It’s amazing how at 2 am you find that your hands are full and if only there was a burp rag on the edge of the couch the feeding would go smoothly—instead of waking up the baby by walking around stumbling looking for one.
10. Dogs - We have 2 dogs and so I’m on dog doody…with babies and dogs it’s amazing how much poop becomes a topic of conversation. That means feeding them, letting them out, cleaning up the yard after them, etc. Again she’s pumping and literally hooked up to machines so I have mobility when she doesn’t.
11. Grocery shopping / Uber eats orders - I’ve found Walmart+ / Target pickup / Costco / Amazon ordering to be in my wheel house because I’m finding so MANY unique coupons that incredibly generous coming in from all the warranty registrations (see number 1)…things like $20, $50, or even a $100 off diaper/detergent/food/clothing that get compounded in savings by having registered for products and those companies getting related promotional discounts. With babies I’ve also come to learn that I have ZERO time to go walk casually through the grocery store and pursue the aisles for seeing if I can try to find a different new favorite type of say potato chips.
12. iPhone charging / Photo backup / Journaling / E-mail account setup - She’s tired so I’m constantly making sure that the phones are plugged in (easy). We use Microsoft OneDrive to automatically back up our iPhone photos - it’s cheaper than iCloud storage and easier to share / make albums than Google Photos. Journaling what’s been going on and sharing updates on Tiny Beans with friends and family, we don’t use Facebook for privacy reasons.
Now I know this might be a weird one - but I’ve already setup our daughters email accounts on outlook.com/Gmail/Apple/Twitter/FaceBook/ssa.gov - so that their digital addresses are theirs and more importantly parental controls / logging is setup also have added them to family plans on Amazon/YouTube/Spotify/Netflix so that kid stuff (what baby watched/listened to) is separate and curated under their name. Social Security monitoring (free) being setup is important for detecting possible fraud (https://www.ssa.gov/). 3 of our friends have had fraudulent tax returns filed on their kids by other people, scary! Also having email addresses has been great for family and friends to send them emails about what their first weeks have been / photos they’ve taken on their phones / etc. Another small hack is to sign up your kids email addresses using + alias (example: kid+freemeals@gmail.com will still go to the kid@gmail.com inbox but will get a special label/folder) at your favorite restaurants with their birthdays so that you get to look forward to those “free” desert/appetizers every year. Also I’ve been surprised to find out that our pediatrician’s EHR (Electronic Health Record), EPIC, can be tied to an email address for the child and that in the future it will be easier for her to be able to have that email address have everything at the ready (example - food /medication allergies). The letters from families and friends will be awesome for them to have when they get older!
13. Medical billing / Insurance paperwork. We have something like 77 bills that have arrived in the mail and so I’m the one submitting / re-submitting / following up with insurance and putting together the spreadsheet about what’s paid, should have been paid, and needs even more follow-up (example apparently only part of my wife’s anesthesia was covered and one of the specialists in the ER was “out of network” for one daughter but not the other - Go figure it would be billed incorrectly!). Even though we had reached our deductible for the year….it’s amazing how many providers send out additional bills and gotchas…as a Dad I’m gonna figure this out and it’s not like the insurance company / hospital can repo the girls…but as a Dad I want them “paid off / free and clear” 😉.
14. Legal - I’ve taken the time to update our term life insurance policy to name our daughters as beneficiaries, same goes for our 401k beneficiaries, Last Will and Testaments beneficiaries, and Health care proxies. In the UNLIKELY event that both my wife and I pass away having all of our legal documents up-to-date with their names, and their Social Security numbers will make sure that things will be taken care to our wishes. Hope this will never be needed but better safe. Also legally I’ve been the one following up with the grandparents on both sides to make sure that they know that their Wills and end of life plans can be updated to include our daughters if they so choose. Again, if your families are like “grand kids are in the will”, make sure your new baby is in the list. Again hopefully not needed for years, but better to have it in place now than later have a “oh grand kid xyz was left out accidentally". I’ve seen that we a few friends’ families…it’s messy when it doesn’t have to be.
15. Follow up doctors appointment scheduling and transportation. We use a gmail calendar and given that my wife isn’t yet cleared to drive by herself yet due to the c-section I’ve found that i can be super helpful by making sure the family calendar is up-to-date with appointments and transportation arranged (car seats installed / stroller loaded up).
Congratulations. We went through 5 years of trying and IVF. Welcomed 2 twin girls into the world in May '22. Here are a "few thoughts" to help you get "ready" as a Dad.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what I as a Dad/Father can uniquely do to help with the babies.
My wife is able to pump breast milk and obviously my nipples are useless, so what are the equivalent things that only I can do as a Dad/Father.
Here are a list of things that I’ve found that as a Dad/Father I’m doing to be helpful.
1. Warranties and Registrations for all things baby. If we purchase anything (stroller/bassinets/play gyms/etc) I’m following up and registering for the warranties, whether that is by mail, online forms, or even emails. Warranties are helpful and you leave money on the table when you don’t register for the warranties. More on that in a moment.
2. Logging all the poops / pees / feedings / sleeps in the App (we use Glow..but have heard of others) and associated schedule / alarms. It’s amazing how helpful it is to have 1 person keeping track of the feedings / which boob was last used (right or left), and how long the last sleep session was.
Note: We have Apple Watches and it’s been SUPER helpful to be ensure my wife has valuable vibrating alarms on her wrists to remind for things she needs to pay attention too (scheduled feedings—bottle/breast/which side/ amounts in Mls) and reminders for me on my wrist for things like diaper changes / dishwasher reminders “empty the dishwasher in 3 hours because it’s all clean”). Having actual USEFUL vibrating notifications on her wrist from her Apple Watch has been a game changer when we are both sleep deprived at 2 am. Someone needs to be in charge of getting the Apple Watch alarms / calendar reminders to be helpful and as a Dad that can be your job!
3. Communication liaison for wife - All friends / family / neighbors that want to “just stop by for 5 Mins” / call / FaceTime etc…have to go through me and I schedule them for the wife. It’s helpful to block to 30 mins to 1 hour a day for these and schedule them out a few days out. Yes we get that people want to “see babies” but I’m the linebacker // (Gandoff - The Lord of the Rings - You Shall Not Pass - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJZZNHekEQw) they have to get through, blocking and tackling is a MUST to protect the “Cow” (i.e my wife’s funny her name for herself as she’s the one who’s pumping and breast feeding).
I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOU
Thanks for sharing the journey, and the joy. I look forward to meeting Ada one day and telling her how awesome her dad is.
It's a wild ride full of ups and downs. It's exhilarating and terrifying--always in rapid succession and sometimes concurrently. But in reading this post and from what I have seen on Twitter, you are as prepared for it as anyone can be. You already love your girls (mom too) so much, and when it comes right down to it, that is all that matters. The rest you figure out as you go along. You're going to be great.
Wonderful news. Enjoy this time - nothing like the arrival of your first kid.
Congrats to you both! Enjoy the adventure!